The Druggie Doctors
by William X
Summary: JD and Turk sample from the hospital drug cabinet. Based of a reddit rant.


JD and Turk were in the hospital storage room. JD held up a handful of drugs. "You want to try some." he said.

"No way man." Turk replied. "If we get busted, our careers are toast. Also those drugs will mess us up."

"C'mon." JD complained. "It will be fun."

"Well if you say so." Turk agreed. "What drugs do you want to use?"

"These ones look pretty and colorful." said JD as he poured some into Turk's hand."

"Bottoms up." Turk replied.

The swallowed the drugs and it hit them immediately. "Wow, pretty fairys." JD exclaimed, waving his hands frantically.

"There's a giant mushroom, maybe it's friendly." Turk remarked. "Friendly mushroom mushy giant friend"

Dr. Cox walked down the hall and saw JD and Turk stumbling about. "Where were you and what were you doing!?"

"Me and Turk sampled from the drug cabinet and spent the last hour in a magical kingdom. Do you want to go?" JD said.

"No, Melinda, I would not like to go to any magical kingdom you and Latisha have constructed in whatever febrile, drug-induced haze you jointly constructed from sampling a variety of the hospital's presumably expensive opioid collection." Cox said. "I would, however like to congratulate you on yours and 'Tisha's coronation to the queens of Unemployment Land for illegal use of narcotics without a valid prescription."

"That said, I won't be contacting the Captain of the Guard from Jail City because--no doubt--you will be seeing him on your own re-he-he-heeeaaallly soon about your coronation proceedings, since everything you've sampled will probably hook you." Cox added.

"Well, if you're not dead by tomorrow, that is." Cox continued. "Opioids ain't nothing to mess with. See ya 'round. Or I won't--God, I hope I don't."

JD and Turk walked towards the door. On the way they ran into Dr. Kelso. He asked them what they were doing, and JD gave the same answer as he gave to Cox. Kelso leaped up in joy. "FINALLY, A VIABLE REASON TO GET YOU BOTH FIRED AND STRIPPED OF YOUR LICENSES! he exclaimed.

The unemployment clerk sat waiting for the next person in line. Two men walked up, one white, the other black. They were wearing ear to ear grins. "What do you need? she grumbled.

"We are here for our coronations." JD said.

"As the queens of unemployment land." Turk added.

"Well you two look like queens." the clerk replied.

"When will the coronation start?" JD asked.

"Right now." said the clerk. "Let's see your slips.

The clerk looked at JD and Turk's pink slips."It say illegal use of narcotics without a valid prescription". She lifted up a pair of plastic cups. "Go the bathrooms over their and pee in these."

JD and Turk stepped out with cups of urine. "Look it's so pretty and colorful." said Turk.

"Okay" said the clerk. "Let me make a quick call."

After a few minutes a sheriff walked into the building. "Are you two the druggie doctors?" he asked.

"Yes that is us." JD said excitedly.

"Have you come to take us to jail city?" Turk asked.

"Yes that is exactly where you two are going." said the sheriff, as he cuffed them and took them to the cruiser.

The sheriff drove them down through town until they came across a large building. "Wow cool!" JD and Turk remarked.

"It's your new home." said the sheriff.

"Yay jail city!" JD exclaimed.

The sheriff lead them into the building and into a room. "You two put on your jumpsuits and don't touch each other."

"You are calling us us gay?!" Turk yelled.

"That's discrimination." JD added. "We'll sue you pants off."

"Before you sue my pants off, why don't you put on yours." the sheriff replied.

The next morning the sheriff got a radio call. "We've got two stiffs here." said the deputy.

"Let me guess." the sheriff replied. "The druggie doctors."

"Yup."

"Better call their workplace and have them drag them out before they stink up the place."

At their funerals Carla and Elliot wept, Cox just stood there annoyed, Kelso laughed at the bodies, and the Todd gave creepy hugs to female guests.


End file.
